Hello Self Sabotage, My Old Friend

Self sabotage is no stranger here. Noticing the self sabotage and stopping it in its tracks is, however, and I'm extremely proud of myself for noticing it.

For the past, I'd say about three months, my novel has been writing itself. I started it in March 2026, and as of the end of May 2026, I'm now on chapter nine of the second draft. So things are going really well! Or at least they were going really well until a couple weeks ago when I had an idea for a change that I could make.

In my mind this change was going to open up a world of depth for the novel. It was going to fill in plot holes and open up a world of possibilities to tie in another series that I have planned. And that's where the self sabotage started.

If I was going to follow through with the idea, it meant a whole lot was going to have to change and I did not know how to incorporate that change. Do I continue the draft as is and make changes in the next edit? Do I start the draft over? Do I continue the draft but make the change moving forward? If I make the change moving forward, there's a whole lot of stuff that I need to figure out, including what happened in the previous chapters to have gotten where I got to...if that even makes sense.

I was overcomplicating everything and it was paralyzing me, so I let it sit and marinate for a week. Then I changed my priorities around what I was going to write and when, to make myself feel better about the fact that I wasn't writing. Even my blog writing was taking a creative hit. I did not know what to write and nothing was ever good enough. All the while I was doing a lot of thinking, and a lot of justifying, and a lot of moving my schedule around to make time for the writing, and not a whole lot of actual writing was getting done.

It was only as I was talking with a friend of mine about how I should continue the novel that it actually hit me. This all sounds suspiciously like self sabotage.

There's a podcast I listen to on YouTube by a creator named Awwlexis and she does a great episode on self sabotage. You can find that video here if you want the whole episode, which I highly recommend. If you want the cliff notes version, I got you.

Alexis has a beautiful analogy of a rubber band. You can only hold so much when you're trying to change, and if you try to hold too much change, like a rubber band stretched too far, your nervous system will snap and you will go back to where your nervous system feels safe.

It's commonly known in the world of physics that once you notice something, it changes. It's like when someone tells you to breathe normally while you're watching your breath. You can't do it because once you start watching it, you exert control over it. It's the same thing with your mind. Once you notice a pattern like self sabotage, you gain control of it.

In the podcast, Alexis has some tactics that she pulls from her real life experience that she recommends doing to make your nervous system feel safe again. I've started implementing her tactic by noticing the sabotage and helping my nervous system feel safe with all of this change coming through. After sitting with myself and asking myself what about this whole thing makes me feel unsafe.

What I came up with is that I don't feel safe being seen by the masses. I'm afraid of being judged and I'm afraid of the responsibility that success will bring me. Right now I'm working a stable factory job that is guaranteed income. It's mindless, and it's easy, but it's third shift and it's making my life a nightmare. What's the fix? The fix is I need to convince my nervous system that I am indeed safe.

How do we convince our nervous systems that we're safe? This is where affirmations and all those things come into play. I don't want to confuse you, there's a difference between sitting with your emotions and affirming and toxic positivity. Something that really made this stick for me was I talked to myself the way a caring mother or mentor would talk to me in this situation.

It's my inner child that feels threatened, my old self. My new self is coaching my old self into healing. Into safety in a firmly affirming and loving way.

To recap, the act of noticing the self sabotage is the first step to changing it. To change it, you need to regulate your nervous system. For me, I was afraid to be seen. I am affirming with myself every day that I am safe to be seen, and I am proving that I am safe by expanding my comfort zone. When someone asks for my input or my opinion, I'm giving a real, authentic answer instead of people pleasing by saying what I believe the other person wants to hear. I'm parenting myself in my mind by lovingly but firmly telling myself that I'm safe and I will be doing the thing. I am building evidence to prove my safety.

I am continuing the work regardless of how I feel about it. This can be used for any form of self sabotage. Whether it's a promotion at work or setting boundaries with a group of friends, I've used this method to great success.

If you're stuck self sabotaging and need someone to talk it through with, send me an email under the contact page. We can set up a time to chat and come up with a solution that's right for you.